Onward

Now having computer access on a more regular basis (thanks to the ingenuity of my husband) I am making progress on my outlined scenes, re-writing and working my way out of the dreaded "writer's block" I felt stiffling me. Of course, most blocks are truly blanks, whereas mine has simply been the inability to figure out how to continue on with so little access to research materials and computer.

As I rewrite what was lost, I feel I am understanding the characters better, and even the direction of the story seems clearer.

Lost

How many times have I found stories about writers whose writing got lost? By fire or other forms of destruction, the work seems lost, but when the writer disciplines himself to rewrite, the work is better for the rewrite.

A month ago (could it have been so long??) my hard-drive crashed. Short of spending an exorbitant amount to attempt a recovery, we tried every avenue to no avail, but I greatly appreciate the efforts of my husband and our good friend, David. I felt lost, for my novel had been saved (on a separate drive) up to chapter 6, but I hesitated saving chapters 7 on becausse I felt that I had possibly taken a wrong turn and had been reading and rewriting for months. Now it is lost, including the wrong turn, and for a while, so was I.

I questioned what God was trying to teach me. I loathed my hesitation, my laziness, my horrible error. And then I became resigned. I had not lost everything, and I wondered if I could be one of those disciplined writers who rewrite better. Could it be for the best?

I choose to think so and have outlined the important scenes I remember and look forward (and dread, truth be told) to giving it life again. I'm afraid and happy, feeling I must get it right this time ... (and save it in multiple places.)

Hanging

Amazing what craziness ensues when you have three people headed to three different schools twice a week. This year I have returned to teaching preschool while my husband has returned to finish his master's and my oldest is starting first grade. As I was wrapping up the summer and preparing for our school year, I knew that I had better get my novel to a good place as I would have to set it aside for a week or two in order to get things under control. But to make matters worse, all I could see were the problems in my novel, no solutions, and no new scenes; as though all my characters had decided to give me the silent treatment.

While exercising one morning, my writer's block disappeared and I jogged in place beside the kitchen counter as I quickly scribbled out ideas for several new scenes which would take my characters closer to their destinations. So excited to flesh out the ideas, I kept thinking and praying for a moment to write. Finally the moment came and I literally left one of my characters hanging upside down. All through school opening I kept envisioning her face upside down, dripping with saltwater, waiting for me to get settled so I could finish what I had begun. But the days went by and I hadn't settled yet - lesson plans, homework, lunches, laundry, teething baby, nametags ... and then, finally, a moment and I got to finish the scene. What a feeling! It was the perfect scene to leave unfinished because my mind kept returning to it, working on it, longing for it. And now, I can keep writing. (and no one is left with blood rushing to their head!)

Victorian Obsession

While in high school, I was mildly obsessed with all things Victorian. I read Jane Eyre and Wuthering Heights, finding the characters absorbing from an era when station and manners mattered. I then purchased a complete collection of Jane Austen (who would technically qualify as pre-Victorian, but I didn't differentiate as the heroine's dilemnas appealed to me). I now own every novel and short story written by L.M. Montgomery, thrilled with her lesser known books, especially The Blue Castle which I still read annually. Instead of a sweet sixteen party, I invited my best friends over for tea. I collected imitation cameos, lace dinner gloves, and grew my hair down to my waist in hopes of one day looking like the Gibson Girl. Everyone else was addicted to flannel and all things grunge. I was making dance cards.

Much of my obsession was encouraged by my seclusion, as chronic migraines kept me home-bound for much of my high school years. It was easier to dream of a time when being ill was romantic than to deal with my pain. And so I day-dreamed and read and wrote until I got better and left my fancies behind.

But now, it seems, I have returned to them. Only, I'm trying to look beyond the niceties. It's not romantic to waste away in ignorance because medicine is not advanced. It's also not romantic to never be allowed to walk alone because society looks down on white women walking unescorted ... and if you're single and happen to meet a single male, it is not romantic to not be able to walk with him simply because you have no chaperone. It's inconvenient. It's tiresome. I'm certain, if they thought about it, which many probably didn't, women of that era would have found it annoying. And the figures that I coveted having in high school? I didn't realize just how painful and unhealthy corsets were. After all, they were the largesst reason for fainting benches and why women were considered so frail. Hello, they couldn't take a deep breath! Try being strong and virile if you can't breathe properly.

So, my perspective has changed, but I still appreciate the good manners. My little girls now play with my lace gloves, and we have tea parties, but I cut my hair long ago. There are things I envy from the Victorian era, the respect ladies and gentlemen had, I just recognize the dangers of legalism now.

Surprise!

In editing each separate chapter with "fresh eyes" I have discovered a character that I as a reader want to know more about. So now as an author I must discover more about this character and what wisdom she has to pass onto Bitsy. Things like this take me by surprise, though they shouldn't. It's the surprises that keep writing new and exciting, make it worthwhile and keep it away from formulas. At least I hope that will be true.
Have received wonderful encouragement from those who have read chapter one. Looking forward to the rest of the comments.

Recitations

In 19th century schools, American teachers required their children to memorize poems for recitation, usually once or twice a year poems would be presented at what we would think of as a parent night. Such memorization sharpened the mind, still does, but we rarely have children do it, perhaps because we no longer have many "public exhibitions" outside of school plays or sports. With twin seven-year-old characters, I have started researching more poems and found some interesting choices. I enjoyed the controversy surrounding "Try, try again". Some labelled it anonymous, and others attributed it to opposing poets. I also found different versions of the poem, but finally settled on the one I believe to be most accurate. Who knew something so simple could be so complicated?

Returning

It is odd how strange it feels after my maternity leave to come back to writing/editing/researching. I feel as though the break has sharpened my senses, making me more aware of what I was missing before. Now I find myself wishing that I was finished writing the novel so that I could curl up with it and just enjoy the unfolding of the story, but instead I must edit and discover the ending. I'm waiting for it to sneak up on me as I edit, tiptoeing from behind to say "boo"! As an incredibly visual person I can see all of the characters waiting over my shoulder, leaning ever so slightly forward, just waiting to see what is about to happen in their lives. They are so real to me now, living in Moorehead City over one hundred years ago, loving and striving to live those lives in the best way they can. I pray I can edit quickly and get back into writing so I can find out what happens next!

Calling all readers

I am now going to prepare the first chapter of the novel for a few readers to enjoy. If you would like to be one of the few, please let me know by emailing me at jacquelineroe@embarqmail.com. I would like to know what you like or dislike, what intrigues you or vice versa. I will send out chapter one on the first of July by email, so be sure to include an email address where you can receive PDF attachments.

Breaking

Back at home, off bed rest with my newborn and I am missing writing terribly. So far, I have not been up to tackling a new chapter or even editing and I realize, I am at "the place". I have written what I judge to be 2/3 - 4/5 of the novel. I am not positive where/when it will end so I know this is a guess-timation at its best. However, even though I continue researching a bit here and there, I am taking a break from the actual manuscript itself so that when I return I will hopefully see it with a new perspective. Of course, with a newborn at home and two "big" sisters vying for his (and my attention), I will have to find a way to intentionally rest my eyes so I can see that perspective, but ... I look forward to rereading the manuscript in a couple of weeks. Until then, back to researching and side projects to keep my creative writing fresh.

Hairstyles

Found some wonderful pictures and descriptions of latter Victorian hairstyles, and the infamous Gibson Girl. Based on what I have found I should be able to describe the different styles and the ornamentation that was a woman's glory in such a fashionable era.

Benjamin Rush and other victories

Ah the joys of going in depth into the hush-hush Victorian era ... found evidence that alcoholism had began being diagnosed by the 1800's, the temperance movement's founding being credited to Dr. Benjamin Rush and his writing: Inquiry Into the Effects of Ardent Spirits Upon the Human Mind and Body. There are several universities that have either archived copies of the 1811 writing or one of its following editions, but alas, they do not wish to share with me. However, I found his main four points in diagnosing alcoholism and his very uncomplicated treatment the disease (and he did term it a disease). Complete abstinence (we'd call that cold-turkey and dangerous, but it was the way they handled drying out). This is what every other source had led me to believe, so I feel like I am making good headway.

Hydrotherapy and Alcoholism

In my research this week, I have found more information about the Victorian preoccupation with the Turkish Bath. This hydro-therapy was popularized during the 1850's in different literature and took very little time to cross the Atlantic and begin popping up in America, especially the Northeast.
Among the institutions that medically used the Turkish Bath I have come across Dr. Holbrook's Hygeniec Institution, which eventually became a temperance facility. I have a detailed account of the Turkish Bath there, but can find no description on their temperance practices and how they might help an alcoholic dry-out. Well, after all, this is the Victorian era and we might discuss the evils of alcohol, but we certainly don't discuss those who have succumbed or how to help aleviate them. Until the 1920's there doesn't seem to be any recorded data (that I can find) on medical treatments for alcoholics. My historian has told me that (yay, we're are back in contact!), especially in concern to Victorian women, such problems with alcohol would be treated the same way as any female concern, "so-and-so is delicate" and then shut them away. Placate and keep them from causing problems. Send them away if you must.
And so, I am trying to piece together an accurate depiction of how Bitsy would try to get well from her alcoholim and depression. In treating her "hysteria" (depressive highs and lows), it has become apparent that she drinks, enough to injure her health and cause serious repurcussions. Which came first, the depression or abuse of alcohol? Doesn't matter at this point, just matters how the family, after shutting her away for years, with her consent, mind you, tries to help her get well ... I want to be accurate, not just telling the way I would want it to go. As the author, I have bonded with Bitsy and I see her dilemna and I want her functioning and well, enjoying her life. But is it realistic? Will she get well? Does she have the resources to climb out of several years of prescribed bed-rest (off and on) and drinking to start making mature decisions when her emotions are running high? I don't know. I look forward to discovering more as I write and only pray that as I do, I will remain true to the story, even if it is not the perfect ending I hope for.

Bed Rest

Ironically, while working on this novel, I have now been placed on bed rest while awaiting (and trying to hold back) the arrival of my third child. I find this especially interesting as I have been re-reading the novel keeping in my mind to not avoid the story of Bitsy, the sister who is put on bed rest quite frequently following any emotional "episodes".

Lying here on my couch in the middle of the family room, the hub of my house and family life, I am surrounded by stimulation. I have the laptop on my legs as I type away, several windows open to let in the spring's cool air and sounds, I have the Bible and a novel to my side, along with phones in reach, even a remote for a television if I should be so inclined. I get to eat, well, anything that does not send me into contractions and that I do not fix myself (I do miss cooking and baking!) and my husband nearby in case I need anything. My three-year-old is a constant frenzy of motion during the day and we read, play board games, and practice numbers, sounds to letters, etc. Containing her would be nearly impossible, but directing is fun. Visitors come and go, mostly wonderful church family making sure we have help meals or help caring for me and my little one when my husband has duties outside the home. In the afternoons, my nearly-six-year-old brings home stories from kindergarten, homework, and runs off to help her sister enjoy the last part of the day, keeping me entertained with their imaginary play, or busy helping them "make better choices" in how they play with one another. :)

Bitsy lives in quite a different "bed resting world". She is confined to her room with limited visitors, her twin seven-year-olds only visiting briefly each day, afraid of her mood swings. She is kept sedate by the lack of taste, color, and intellectual stimulation, not even allowed to read during prescribed bed rest. What thinking woman would not go crazy? She looks out her windows only when getting better, and then gets to venture out of her room until she has another episode. With the anxious fear of having another episode, how can she stop the cycle? Without the freedom to think and reach for something better, how can she break out? And what of her sweet children or husband? How can they do without her? She can give them nothing consistent as long as she keeps getting shut away.

I knew it would be difficult to tell her part of the story, but I am learning, and the more I think through her circumstances, the more I belive her family is at loss until she can get well.

Historical frustrations

After a few weeks of not blogging, here I am blogging for the third time in a little over 24 hours. The cause of the this third entry? Frustration! Though I try to keep my blogs even-tempered and professional, this one will be an exception. Reason? Follow:
After my interview with a Morehead City historian, I felt I had a good grasp on the schooling system of the time. I also did a bit further research on my own and thought I was well-grounded in how I was portraying the schools in Morehead during 1886. However, I have now come across a very old map, thanks to the archives of UNC, dated 1885 which seems to contradict what my historian told me; namely, that the two churches in town, Methodist and Baptist, would have had their own separate schools. The wealthier Methodist members would have a longer school term, while the Baptist school would have a shorter one due to the working class members. Also, I thought that the churches would be on opposite sides of town, the Baptist appealing to those who "work the waters" in the Promiseland, as it was called. Now, I will not say that my historian told me the churches were located there, I believe I inferred that, knowing I would soon be receiving a map from him from the era. Unfortunately, we have had a host of emailing issues, my server will not connect with his, and so I will have to figure out another way to contact him to unknot this historical tangle.
Could I be looking at the map wrong? Is there some other reason that a schoolhouse exists across the street from the Methodist church and just a few buildings away from the Baptist church? It seems illogical for two schools to be so close together without sharing the facility, but ... Perhaps the Methodists had enough money to create a separate building for their school, but the Baptists still had their school inside their church building.
This may not seem very important to anyone, but it is quite pivotal to the plotline as one of the characters is using an opportunity to teach at the opposite school to ensure her independence. I realize having done even more research on the do's and don'ts of the time for ladies, especially single women, that part of her departure and storyline must be modified, but I think with a little work I can maintain the intergrity of the story.
AH! This makes me feel like I am working with a very uncooperative character in a book, one that will only do what he or she wants whether or not it hurts or hinders anyone else. So the historical setting is a difficult, strong-willed, brick wall character? I suppose that makes sense, after all, things happened one way, I just wish I didn't keep running into different versions of how things were. I suppose after I finish researching I will just have to deduce to the best of my ability as to how it really played out and write the story as honestly as I can from there. Does any of this make any sense?
Also, I have tried to enable the comment section in hopes that someone will provide feedback on my posts. I hope you are reading this, and will try to be more professional, less frustrated in the future.

The Sister

I grew up in a family of four daughters, and so I feel that I know a great deal about female relationships. However, the relationship in my novel, or more accurately, a certain disturbed characted in my novel has thrown me for a loop. As happens sometimes when you are writing, you become distracted by a character, feel like you are neglecting them, their story, or some part of their make-up. It is imperative to get this character right, suddenly so important, that you almost want to abandon the project for the fear of tangling the entire story because of this one difficult character.
Her name is Elizabeth, but from childhood she has been called Bitsy. She is a tangled mess of highs and lows, following doctor's directions to be shut away from her family during her lows, leaving so much of her responsibilities on her sister's shoulders that she no longer functions as a wife or mother. Not that all women of her place in society had to deal with what we think of us motherly duties today, but she had even less than that. And so when I first began writing of Bitsy, I could see she had emotionally, spiritually, and mentally (yes, it was considered harmful for an overwrought female to read or think -- too strenous) shrunk. Her body was lax, full, rarely clothed in anything but morning gowns and robes unless going out to accompany her husband on hotel business at the balls during the summer season on her "good" days.
Perhaps I struggle with Bitsy because, (unintentionally, of course)I relate. I have been shut away with depression and had my share of "good days" and "bad days". Those who know me know of my history of chronic migraine-tension headaches, hospital stays, medications, numerous doctors and clinics, etc. Without realizing it, I have been writing a character of whom I can truly say, "yes, I understand" but I have held her away from me, because I don't want to remember all of that ... So I suppose in this area of the novel I need to be courageous and say, "I've lived some of this research" and use the parts of my life that apply to tell Bitsy's story. Silly to realize I've been trying to figure out what was wrong with all my research before this, it wasn't the research that was wrong, but my unwillingness to honestly deal with it.

Gone?

For part of my research I have begun and finished Margaret Mitchell's Pullitzer prize-winning novel, Gone With the Wind. Some might question why I would consider this research. It is, after all, set much earlier than my novel, in a different area of the Southeast, and absorbed historically with the Civil War issues that my novel is only touching on. Why do I consider it worthwhile research? The attitudes portrayed in the novel are rather telling of the gentility of the South. As Mitchell asserted, the era was over, gone with the wind once Dixie lost her war. But the attitudes towards the genders, predjudices, and societal expectations were not. I learned a great deal about how and why women were viewed the way they were at the time. I don't know which side of the war I would have personally supported had I lived in that era, or what prejudices I would have sported. But it has helped me better understand why ladies did not go out without proper escorts, and various other protocol. It will certainly help to make sure that my novel covers these bases.

Tales of the Atlantic Hotel 1880-1933

I am so excited to have bought and read Tales of the Atlantic Hotel. It was extremely helpful in many ways. First, I now have better visualization of how the hotel was laid out and the social customs that were prominent that created the lay-out (i.e. separate dining hall for nurses and children, Bachelor's Row for single-men staying at the hotel). Second, I now understand better the key players in reopening the hotel, as well as specific incidents in the year(s) that my story is taking place. There are fascinating events from 1886, where I have the story beginning. From a horrible winter storm to an earthquake in the South, the year was packed with details that I did not know before. I look forward to continuing my research, rewrites, etc. that will make the story stronger.

A Difference in Gender

This week I have concentrated on critically reviewing my male characters. Many books written about the Victorian era are currently written by women, nothing wrong with that. However, my tendency as a woman, one who is highly emotional, can be to write overly emotional men. This messes with the tone and believability. I want the men in the story to sound like men, not women dressed up as men acting like they think men should act. This is especially important in an era where emotions were highly guarded. It has been a humbling week, reading through scenes and thinking "Ah! That sounds like a woman!" and trying to figure out what a man would say and finding that often he might decline to comment at all. As in acting sometimes the more powerful words are the ones you don't speak. Even with all of the editing of the past month or so, I have continued writing more and the story seems to be progressing. As always, I want it quality, not just an abundance of words, a story that intrigues and inspires. Now there is something that most men would not express, at least not that way.

Conflict

It is ridiculous to write that lately I have felt conflicted about the conflict in my novel, but there it is. As I have gone into describing the daily details of the lives of my characters (i.e. using all that valuable research), I have been avoiding the interpersonal conflict that some of their relationships would naturally have. In avoiding it, though unconsciously, I felt distanced from the story. After all, conflict is what draws us into a story, and especially this story. Conflict is not just about resolution, but also about discovery. If I avoid it altogether, probably because I don't want a soap operatic quality to the story, my characters will be hindered and limited. I will be like a mother that refuses to let her child learn how to walk for fear of his falling. So, this week, my characters are being allowed to naturally pursue their lives and develop their relatioships without my interference (hopefully). Time will tell if I have done well.

dialect

I remember first reading Huckleberry Finn and later Pygmallion. How did Twain and Shaw know how to take the English language and make it sound like it is spoken? From my little bit of work in the theatre I have explored several accents and enjoy learning how to imitate them. However, I am quite a novice at making my characters on the written page sound like they should.
I realized last week that I was getting too worked up about this issue. Until I get more information about the dialect of the region during that time period, I need to proceed writing and then go back later to edit the dialogue appropriately. Especially important will be to reflect educational status in the character's speech. I don't want to fall into class or ethnic stereotypes but remain true to who the characters are as they would have existed in history.
I am hoping to reconnect with my historian who has promised some written dialogue. Currenly, my email and his do not seem to get along, so I may be trying snail-mail. Perhaps slower, but worth it to get this right.

A child's perspective

While writing I am acutely aware of the two youngest characters in my story, a set of twins. I want to paint them clearly and accurately, with respect for their unique perpective so that I never over-simplify or make them too complex. Also, I want to keep in mind that today's children are far different than their Victorian counterparts. During the Victorian era children were protected from many adult discussions, sometimes even excluded from the dinner table, though I doubt that to be the common in the South in any but wealthiest households. Seen and not heard was taught for manners sake, to teach children "their place" but in many households it did not steal their childhood. They were aware of death and hardship, these things were a way of life as was personal responsibility. However, they were not exposed to things of our era like mass media, which encourages very young children (who are born with the inclination) to emulate older children and adolescents before they have the judgment to understand the consequences of certain actions. My job is not to use my novel to judge between the two, but to accurately portray the twins at their stage of life in the right context. I hope I am up to the challenge.

reading

It is relieving to read the manuscript so far and find out that, yes, I like it. I have never written this much on any manuscript without sending it out to friends to find out thier opinions, but I also have never made this much progress on a manuscript in such a short amount of time. There are some things that I changed and some characters that still need more "fleshing out", but I am really enjoying the story. I feel like a little kid opening a present or going someplace new. What is going to happen next? What will be revealed? I need to do further research into the hotel/railroad and adjust things around those details to make sure I am telling things accurately. Again, I wish I could get away and go visit the historical society's research library. What a joy that would be! But until then, I am going to contact their research librarian and try to arrange an interview by phone or email as soon as possible so that I can start digging into books with more information.

Editing

The process by which a weak manuscript can be made strong, editing. Not that my manuscript is complete. I estimate that I am perhaps 1/4 of the way through writing; but as I have delved into my research, I knew this was the week to straighten, redefine, and rewrite. One main character needed renaming with a more Victorian name, Nadine is now Nora. Another main character needed an adjustment in his illness/diagnosis and subsequently his Vicorian treatment. Scenes needed to be added for characters that I had just suggested before, but now have a life of their own. I've actually enjoyed most of the editing, though I believe it will probably carry me into next week. Once I finish re-writing, I will have to do another re-reading to make sure it flows. As always, I am loving the process, and I think it will be stronger once I finish untangling these knots.